Joy

So, another month has past....and I am VERY happy to report that I have successfully started to shed some pounds. I am, as of this morning....... 212.7!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That is 27.2lb of fat lost!

Its hard to believe really, I am very pleased with my progress thus far.

I know in my last post I said I wanted to be at a total weight loss of 20lbs by Vegas... but seeing as I have shoot past that goal (one I didn't remember setting until I looked back on this blog) i am now shooting for a total weight loss of 30lbs by Vegas. that is just 3 lbs from where I am now... I think I can make it...

Its funny and a little sad, I drop weight consistently when I am here at home, eating the food that I have cautiously picked out for myself to eat. When I go to my parents house.... which has been happening about once a week, I stall! Its frustrating because I enjoy spending time there, but the food my Mom buys is just not the greatest....

I cant help but feel that if I had better foods and better health education growing up, I wouldn't be were I am am today with my weight. Don't get me wrong, we didn't eat fast foods everyday and we had well rounded meals.... but I would just eat and eat and eat, without any knowledge of what I was doing to my body....and once I was old enough to go out on my own.... well that didn't help...

I am the heaviest of my 2 other siblings. My younger brother is a good looking dude and in pretty good shape. My old sister is the skinniest healthiest person I know...she took to being a vegetarian and exercising compulsively...she had a smaller body to begin with....

I took up playing soccer when I was able 10 and played AYSO, club and 3 years of high school soccer. Only 3 because in my senior year, I got mono....and I got it bad... The doctor wouldn't let me exercise....not even on a stationary bike...for 7 months. I gained 25 pounds in that time... and until about 2 years ago, I had not played soccer.

Soccer is what keeps me going these days...I feel my body getting upset with me when I do not play on a regular bases. I have a really bad ankle issue... I broke it 2 years ago, without knowing... and have sense rolled in 7 times. Mostly playing soccer, but once just stepping off a curb..haha I rolled my ankle in game 2 last Monday...Its only been a week, but I am craving exercise....How did I survive all those years with out regular, hard core exercise? I am going to try playing tonight...Its our first night with a new team on a new, larger indoor field.... we will see how I do. I am just desperate to exercise before I leave for Vegas.... A week of drinking by the pool...no soccer....and no registered gym on the property..... Arg

Wish me luck!

Time

So it has been even long between post this time... but I hit a few speed bumps along the way. My boyfriend and I went to North Carolina in March and its been a little over a month and I have just again started loosing weight. That time was really really hard for me. Before we left I was on a roll and losing weight almost everyday.... so now I feel like I am back on track and I am losing weight again.... so then where am I? I am at....wait for it.... 2.18.4lb! Thats right! A total weight lose of 22 pounds! I am so happy last time I posted I was at 223... so about 5lbs... but they have just recently started coming off.
Well I am in a hurry but wanted to blog my recent movement.... We will be going to Vegas for a week of pool time in the beginning of July... My goal as of now is to be 219...well lets just say 218.. so thats 20lbs.
I will get there!
Yes! I will

Long time

So it has been a while sense I last posted. I have lost 17 lb's! And it felt great to hit that number.... 3 weeks ago....

So I was rocking it...losing about 1/2-1lb a day! Then came our trip to North Carolina, which I knew was going to be difficult.... but on we went...I stuck with my regular diet as much as I could, however, I was sick the whole time we were there... so that sucked.

I haven't been able to get back on track sense I got back, although I haven't gained the weight back...so that is a good sign.

I am starting soccer back at 4 times at work. With Easter there was a break and I came back in the middle of the week....

I want to start P90X again... I just need to find the motivation. I have been waiting for a ring from my BF for a while, and have finally settled on a beautiful style.... Its just a matter of affording it....I would like to be beautiful and healthy for my wedding and for my engagement... for my life...

Anyways, that is all I have for today...I will write again soon.

PS I am currently at 223.1lbs a total weight lose of 16.9lb's.... I am almost to my 20lb weight lose goal.... what will be my next?....

Moving Forward

So, I have finally broken thru to my first goal! I jumped on the scale this am and to my surprise and my delight I am 228.2LB. That is a total weight lost of 11.8 pounds!

Its funny cause last week I got on the scale it said 229.2lb... I was so excited! But I kept bouncing back into the 30's....It was so disappointing and discouraging.

However, after a wonderful garlic feast at our friends house, I went back to it, more determined to loss and keep off the weight. It does feel great to see this new lower number on the scale!
And for the first time sense I started this... about a month now, somebody noticed and said that I looked like I have lost weight.

It funny, that the validation of somebody else is so powerful... It was my friends husband who noticed... he said something under his breath when I first walked in, but over dinner I told him that I had lost weight... he said he wanted to say something earlier but was worried... but thought that I looked really good and that it looked like I had lost alot of weight....It felt good, and oh so nice that somebody else can see my results.

I look at myself everyday in the mirror and can see a little bit of a difference.... I actually put a shirt on the other day and thought to myself that I "looked" like I have lost weight...

It would be nice for those closest to me to notice and say something every once in a while... It is a good motivator... and even thou I have mentioned that to Ty... and he says I look great, but it is nice to have a person say it on their own... not to always have to fish for it.

Anyways, I played in 5 soccer games last week.... and I will have 4 this week. I love soccer. It is what keeps me going, helps me get my anger out and my frustrations.... my everyday and long term anxieties.... if only for an hour or two at a time.

So here is to moving forward and to keep moving forward. another pound lost is another minute to move forward with.

Set Backs

So I am at my parents house right now, and not really have I experienced a physical set back but a mental one...

I have always been over weight. And I have always been seen that way. And I have always had doctors tell me I need to do something different, even when I was in high school and I was eating right and playing soccer 7 days a week. Once and most recently, I had a doctor and her assistant speak to me. Now under normal circumstances I would have taken it with a grain of salt, as always... But this time I had just had my physical finished, (very personal) and I was sitting on the table in a gown... with my backside exposed, and consistently, I felt unconformable, judged, horrified... It was the worst feeling that I have ever had in my life!

However this is not the reason for my post today. This morning, we are all sitting in the living room and my sister brought up high blood pressure. In the past I have had high blood presure, but the last time I saw the doctor they told me I had really good blood pressure. So my sister, being a nurse desides she is going to take my blood pressure... 140/60... Then she proceeds to look at me and tell me that I need to really work on that number that its supper high and that I need to concentrate on a diet...

Usually, I am on guard around her, for more reasons then she is a nurse and enjoys lecturing me on everything I do... But I have a lot of stressful things in front of me right now, and I wasn't thinking about putting up my shield. But why should I have too? My life and the way I live it is non of her business. She is just like our mom, who thinks she knows something of everything.... well Sis, you have no idea what my life is like. Just because I am different doesn't mean I am wrong. She has always doubted me, always. Never thinking I can manage money, live on my own... have good judge of character. And now with my job situation, instead of saying Erin, you are 25 and starting you own business, I'm proud of you... she instead tells me that I am making a mistake and that I should go get a new job.... B! I didn't go to school for 5 years to pour somebody a cup of coffee. My job field is a little more uncertain then something so cut and dry as Nursing.

Now I am upset and cant get it to go away. Even though my sister left a 1/2 hour ago.

Frustrating.

Strides

Today! Yes I am almost there! 231.5! That is such a good feeling, I cant even tell you. That is 8.5lb down!

I didn't do the P90X yesterday, I played in my outdoor soccer league, and it kicked my ass.... and it clearly paid off. I was even able to go out last night with my friends and have a single beer with some mahi fish tacos, which were delicious.

Honestly I was starting to get a little down, not sure why tho. My weight lose has not really stalled. I think now that I have switched from the Atkins to the Weight Watchers, the progress has slowed a little....but I am still losing weight, and that is the main goal here.

So I found some of my old journals at my parents house... and I discovered that when I had lost this weight before I was down at 187lb's. From everything I can tell that was the lowest I had been in a long time. I think when I was in high school I might have been less, sense I was playing soccer everyday, but when I got mono and could not exercise, I know I gained a lot of weight.

So this will be my goal again... to be at 190lb. If when I obtain that goal, which I will, I am unhappy, then I will keep striving to lose weight.

Today I am feeling good. My stomach hurts from yesterdays game, the throw-ins really get in there and hurt my abs... but thats okay. I love playing soccer. Sadly, I think my Thursday night team is going to fold, 2 of our players just bailed on us, and the new season starts in two weeks, but fees are due next week. We only have 3 players.... No bueno.... but I am starting a co-ed Tuesday night team, which is a lot of fun, and a lot of running.

Anyways, I am overall having a pretty good start to my day. It looks like it will be a pretty relaxed day. Laundry and P90X at some point. Hopefully before my roommate gets home... I don't like people watching me when I am exercising, especially when I am just learning the steps.

New Beginings

So, I have decided to start a blog, to help follow my progress in...well life. I have always been a journal person, but in the past few years I have stopped writing... and I have noticed, I carry a little more stress from it. I love to write and get my emotions out on paper. I find it helps me work through issues that seem big at the time, but really are not. I am hopping this will keep me more level headed.

So on February 10, 2010 I decided to change the way I have been living my life. I have been very upset with my weight... and have struggled with it all my life. I know I sound like all the other "I'm fat girls" out there, but I'm not. I started this at 240.0 pounds! That is out of control! I feel it everyday, when I walk, when I run, when I go up stairs. I sweet like there is no tomorrow, even if I am just walking.

So why do I want to shed the extra pounds? I have a passion for life... and I want to live it! I want to feel healthy and happy living it. Now I am not saying you cant live life at 240lbs...you can. I play soccer 3-4 a week, I walk my dogs every day, I love going to the beach. However, I think I am more active and have more drive when I am at a more healthy weight.

Now 240lb's yes that is very heavy. But I have always lead an active life... so if you looked at me, you would not think I weighed that much. I have a lot of muscle mass and even at this elevated weight, you can see muscle. I think that gives me a good head start.

So last week I changed my diet, I started the Atkins 2 week induction.... Now I know what you are thinking...that is so bad for you, that is so un-healthy.... Well people. #1 being Obese ( as I am classified) is just as if not more un-healthy... So Suck it! #2 If you do it right and eat lean proteins your good to go.

Now, in the past Atkins has always worked and kick started my weight lose fast.... not so much this time.

I currently weigh 233.5, that is a weight loss of 6.5 pounds. Which is great! but for the induction diet I feel like it is not very much for the sacrifices I have made... and its not even the sweets that I miss, I can go with out sweats for a very long time. Its the starches, like potato's and toast.
I have decided to change directions and start counting points. Either way, I have changed my diet and I am vamping up my exercise.

Today I started P90X... I am doing the Lean Course... That definitely kicked my ass! I did what I could do and that is all they ask... I know that as time goes on I will be able to do even more. I am really excited about this program, and what I can accomplish with it.

At this time in my life it is key for me to keep in mind that this is on me! I can't relay on others to keep me going, support me, or join me in my quest for a healthier lifestyle. My goal weight right now is 190lb. But my current and smaller goal is to get out of the "30's" and in to the "20's". that is just 3.5 pounds away. And I have not been there in over a year.

I am looking forward to this journey I am heading on, and I really feel that I am going to succeed.