Set Backs

So I am at my parents house right now, and not really have I experienced a physical set back but a mental one...

I have always been over weight. And I have always been seen that way. And I have always had doctors tell me I need to do something different, even when I was in high school and I was eating right and playing soccer 7 days a week. Once and most recently, I had a doctor and her assistant speak to me. Now under normal circumstances I would have taken it with a grain of salt, as always... But this time I had just had my physical finished, (very personal) and I was sitting on the table in a gown... with my backside exposed, and consistently, I felt unconformable, judged, horrified... It was the worst feeling that I have ever had in my life!

However this is not the reason for my post today. This morning, we are all sitting in the living room and my sister brought up high blood pressure. In the past I have had high blood presure, but the last time I saw the doctor they told me I had really good blood pressure. So my sister, being a nurse desides she is going to take my blood pressure... 140/60... Then she proceeds to look at me and tell me that I need to really work on that number that its supper high and that I need to concentrate on a diet...

Usually, I am on guard around her, for more reasons then she is a nurse and enjoys lecturing me on everything I do... But I have a lot of stressful things in front of me right now, and I wasn't thinking about putting up my shield. But why should I have too? My life and the way I live it is non of her business. She is just like our mom, who thinks she knows something of everything.... well Sis, you have no idea what my life is like. Just because I am different doesn't mean I am wrong. She has always doubted me, always. Never thinking I can manage money, live on my own... have good judge of character. And now with my job situation, instead of saying Erin, you are 25 and starting you own business, I'm proud of you... she instead tells me that I am making a mistake and that I should go get a new job.... B! I didn't go to school for 5 years to pour somebody a cup of coffee. My job field is a little more uncertain then something so cut and dry as Nursing.

Now I am upset and cant get it to go away. Even though my sister left a 1/2 hour ago.

Frustrating.

Strides

Today! Yes I am almost there! 231.5! That is such a good feeling, I cant even tell you. That is 8.5lb down!

I didn't do the P90X yesterday, I played in my outdoor soccer league, and it kicked my ass.... and it clearly paid off. I was even able to go out last night with my friends and have a single beer with some mahi fish tacos, which were delicious.

Honestly I was starting to get a little down, not sure why tho. My weight lose has not really stalled. I think now that I have switched from the Atkins to the Weight Watchers, the progress has slowed a little....but I am still losing weight, and that is the main goal here.

So I found some of my old journals at my parents house... and I discovered that when I had lost this weight before I was down at 187lb's. From everything I can tell that was the lowest I had been in a long time. I think when I was in high school I might have been less, sense I was playing soccer everyday, but when I got mono and could not exercise, I know I gained a lot of weight.

So this will be my goal again... to be at 190lb. If when I obtain that goal, which I will, I am unhappy, then I will keep striving to lose weight.

Today I am feeling good. My stomach hurts from yesterdays game, the throw-ins really get in there and hurt my abs... but thats okay. I love playing soccer. Sadly, I think my Thursday night team is going to fold, 2 of our players just bailed on us, and the new season starts in two weeks, but fees are due next week. We only have 3 players.... No bueno.... but I am starting a co-ed Tuesday night team, which is a lot of fun, and a lot of running.

Anyways, I am overall having a pretty good start to my day. It looks like it will be a pretty relaxed day. Laundry and P90X at some point. Hopefully before my roommate gets home... I don't like people watching me when I am exercising, especially when I am just learning the steps.

New Beginings

So, I have decided to start a blog, to help follow my progress in...well life. I have always been a journal person, but in the past few years I have stopped writing... and I have noticed, I carry a little more stress from it. I love to write and get my emotions out on paper. I find it helps me work through issues that seem big at the time, but really are not. I am hopping this will keep me more level headed.

So on February 10, 2010 I decided to change the way I have been living my life. I have been very upset with my weight... and have struggled with it all my life. I know I sound like all the other "I'm fat girls" out there, but I'm not. I started this at 240.0 pounds! That is out of control! I feel it everyday, when I walk, when I run, when I go up stairs. I sweet like there is no tomorrow, even if I am just walking.

So why do I want to shed the extra pounds? I have a passion for life... and I want to live it! I want to feel healthy and happy living it. Now I am not saying you cant live life at 240lbs...you can. I play soccer 3-4 a week, I walk my dogs every day, I love going to the beach. However, I think I am more active and have more drive when I am at a more healthy weight.

Now 240lb's yes that is very heavy. But I have always lead an active life... so if you looked at me, you would not think I weighed that much. I have a lot of muscle mass and even at this elevated weight, you can see muscle. I think that gives me a good head start.

So last week I changed my diet, I started the Atkins 2 week induction.... Now I know what you are thinking...that is so bad for you, that is so un-healthy.... Well people. #1 being Obese ( as I am classified) is just as if not more un-healthy... So Suck it! #2 If you do it right and eat lean proteins your good to go.

Now, in the past Atkins has always worked and kick started my weight lose fast.... not so much this time.

I currently weigh 233.5, that is a weight loss of 6.5 pounds. Which is great! but for the induction diet I feel like it is not very much for the sacrifices I have made... and its not even the sweets that I miss, I can go with out sweats for a very long time. Its the starches, like potato's and toast.
I have decided to change directions and start counting points. Either way, I have changed my diet and I am vamping up my exercise.

Today I started P90X... I am doing the Lean Course... That definitely kicked my ass! I did what I could do and that is all they ask... I know that as time goes on I will be able to do even more. I am really excited about this program, and what I can accomplish with it.

At this time in my life it is key for me to keep in mind that this is on me! I can't relay on others to keep me going, support me, or join me in my quest for a healthier lifestyle. My goal weight right now is 190lb. But my current and smaller goal is to get out of the "30's" and in to the "20's". that is just 3.5 pounds away. And I have not been there in over a year.

I am looking forward to this journey I am heading on, and I really feel that I am going to succeed.